Taking Off the Cloak: A Word for Parents in Hard Seasons

There are seasons in parenting that are light and full of laughter.

And then there are seasons that are… heavy.

Heavy with disappointment. Heavy with misunderstanding. Heavy with unmet expectations. Heavy with words said and words left unsaid.

Recently, a friend told me something that stopped me in my tracks:

“You’ve been wearing a cloak of shame and disappointment for too long. Take it off. It’s weighing you down and tangling you up making it harder to run your race well.”

Her words reached places in my soul I didn't even know needed awakened and made aware of things too heavy for me and outside of my control, and brought instant tears to my eyes, tears of exposure, tears of grief, and tears of hard work ahead...

Because she was right!!

As parents/humans, we can quietly pick up burdens we were never asked to carry.

We carry our children’s choices.

We carry other people’s opinions.

We carry disappointments from unmet expectations from leaders and pastors who we cry out to for help

We carry family tension. We carry the “what did I do wrong?” questions.

And before we know it, we are running our race in a weighted vest stitched together by shame and disappointment, and worn in a very chaotic fashion, making our arms tangled, and making normal living days harder than they have to be!

But here’s the truth:

People will let you down.

Family.

Friends.

Pastors.

Mentors.

You will let YOU down

Even the children you prayed for and poured your life into.

And while that hurts — deeply — they are not the final voice over your life. And you are not theirs, either!

They are not your Judge. You are not theirs

They are not your Source. You are not theirs They are not your Savior. You are not theirs

They are fellow travelers. Passerby-ers

They don't control your life... and YOU DON'T/CAN'T control theirs. Lead, teach, begin the foundation of faith, and watch God do the work (even if you can't see the progress)

You and I will answer to God one day — not to public opinion, not to cultural trends, not to the loud voices declaring right wrong and wrong right. We all get to decide to follow Jesus and His way, or sadly, not to...

The world says, “Follow your heart.”

But Scripture tells us our hearts can deceive us.

The world says, “You do you.”

But Jesus says, “Follow Me.”

And there is a world of difference.

When I realized I was carrying shame and disappointment like a cloak, I made a decision:

I will not let my past define me.

I will not let my hurts define me.

I will not let other people’s choices define me.

I will lay every burden at the feet of Jesus.

Not just my own — but the ones I picked up for others.

People with empathetic hearts understand this especially well. We feel everything. We absorb everything. We want to fix everything.

But some things were never ours to fix.

We are called to love faithfully.

We are called to pray fervently.

We are called to forgive freely.

We are called to obey personally.

We are not called to do the Holy Spirit’s job. PERIOD!!!

And here’s what I’m learning:

God who began a good work in me will finish it.

And the same God who began a good work in my children will finish it in them, too.

Growth takes time.

Healing takes time.

Maturity takes time.

Since when did anything beautiful and truly nourishing happen in a microwave minute?

Gold is refined slowly.

Character is built slowly.

Trust is restored slowly.

Freedom is learned slowly.

If you’re in a hard parenting season right now — disappointed, grieved, frustrated, confused — let me say this gently:

You are not a failure.

You are not disqualified.

You are not alone.

Take off the cloak.

Lay down the shame.

Lay down the embarrassment.

Lay down the weight of what others think.

Lay down the pressure to fix what only God can transform.

Then stand up straight again.

Lift your eyes.

Follow Jesus.

Run your race.

Not to build your own empire, (because that would crumble in a breath, like a castle of cards) but to build something eternal.

And surrender it all:

God, my life is Yours.

My marriage is Yours.

My children are Yours.

My business is Yours.

My ministry calling is Yours.

My days are Yours.

Help me make the most of all of them for Your glory.

And then walk forward in freedom.

Not because everything is fixed.

But because you trust the One who holds it all. Becasue the days full of love and life and laughter are just as good as the days full of tears simply because God is in each day with us!

Always, Traci Jo